What Surprised Me Most About The First Year of Motherhood

As of March 11th, I’ve officially survived one full year as a new mother. I’ve also met my goal of 12 months of exclusively breastfeeding! The day Ben was born I had no remote idea what I was doing, nor a guide for how to do it well, which I think is why the first year is so incredibly meaningful.

I want to look back and remember this year fondly for what it really was, so here are my most meaningful reflections, and the aspects of this first year that took me by surprise:

The early days pass agonizingly slow, but the first year is gone in a flash. Pretty much everyone tells you this before you become a parent, and yes – it’s true! – eventually. The first few months of Ben’s life were an out-of-body experience; It felt like being hit by a mack truck, or maybe a cyclone. No matter how much you prepare yourself beforehand, NOTHING will truly prepare you for the depths of sleep deprivation, breastfeeding or the amount of rocking you’re about to do.

And yet, as hard and as crazy as it all was, as soon as my son hit 3 months, the fog lifted and time started to blaze ahead at lighting speed. Reflecting back, those difficult early days were merely a blip on the radar of our first year together.

No one map, way or method will guide you smoothly through parenthood. That might sound obvious, but it’s so important! There are a million and one resources out there on how to do certain things the ‘right way,’ and while I do agree that leaning on some of them have been helpful, be kind to yourself and live your own experience. What I mean is – don’t stress if some regimented process (sleep training, for example), doesn’t work for your baby. While it might work like a charm for other babies, you may need to make adjustments based on what works for your family, and that’s how it should be!

I know it’s hard not to be guided or swayed by other sources, but relax – your child will figure sleeping out, they’ll reach those milestones – and you’ll do it the way that works for them, not the ‘one way’ you read about or were told by a friend. If you’re anything like me (highly anxious), this advice will save you a lot of self-doubt and worry. Just let it go and do you.

Having a bad moment or day doesn’t make you a bad parent. Not every day is going to come easy, feel good or go well – and that’s totally okay. There have been many, many times that I’ve lost my cool, allowed myself to get overly worked up or made a rookie mistake – and guess what? It doesn’t matter.

Just because your child cries in the car, or won’t sleep when traveling – things that have majorly stressed me out at one time or another over the past year – doesn’t make me, or anyone else, a bad parent. When I pick my son up from daycare, or walk in the door after work, I’m always greeted with the biggest and most beautiful smile I’ve ever seen – and that is literally all that matters to me. I know and can feel how much he loves and needs me, which is all I could ever ask for.

How much I absolutely LOVE being a mom. I always knew I wanted kids, but I wasn’t someone who was ‘born to be a mother,’ and it definitely hasn’t come naturally. I’m not someone who has that ‘mommy magic’ – like my sister! – and takes to motherhood like a champ, even making it appear easy. It’s been hard – the hardest thing I’ve ever done in every way – but I absolutely love it and wouldn’t give it up for anything. I’m even looking forward to doing it all over again at some point. Maybe I was born to be a mom, after all!

What are (or were) your top takeaways at the one year mark? Share your experiences below!