After a little more than 13 months, I am officially done with breastfeeding.
I’m done being the primary source of nutrition for my son. Done timing my day around his feeding schedule. Done pre-screening places we’d visit to ensure I’d have somewhere to hide when I had to feed him. Done sweating underneath the nursing cover.
I’m done being confined to shirts that are easy to open or pull down. Done waking up early to pump so that I could run comfortably. Done lugging tons of pumping equipment to work to avoid engorgement during the day – and building up an aggressively large stash of milk that we needed to buy a deep freezer for.
I finally have my body back to myself, and I’m happy about it.
It’s hard to believe we made it a full year (which was my goal) and then some, as the beginning was so dreadful. For months, my entire life revolved around those 2-3 hour increments, and at the time it felt like I was stuck in a pit that I would never emerge from.
I used to imagine how I’d feel when I was done – pure relief – which is pretty close to actuality. I do feel relief, but I also feel completely content and at peace about moving on from this experience.
As time went on, it became almost second nature, so the weaning process ended up being a very natural progression that started around 11 months, and then gradually came to an end at a time when Ben and I were comfortable moving on.
As we got closer to the one year mark, I did anticipate that I might feel a little sad, and even miss it, and I did – but only very briefly, and more in the lead-up time to completely stopping. It’s only been about a month, but strangely it already kind of feels like a distant (but cherished) memory.
In reflecting back on the entire experience, I do wish the beginning had gone smoother, and that I’d been less panic-stricken about it all, but I’m very proud of the one plus year we had together.
I loved that he depended on me so entirely. Loved that my body was able to produce an incredible amount of milk, and that we never struggled with supply. I loved the convenience of being able to feed him literally anywhere, and of course – I loved our sweet and quiet time together.
Perhaps closing this chapter isn’t sad for me because I’m hoping to do it all over again.