Finding The Balance Between Motherhood And Self Care

Upon becoming a mother, particularly for the first time, my identity inevitably (and very suddenly) transformed into that of a caregiver. It was no longer all about me in any way, but rather, all about the tiny human I was now entirely responsible for. His health and happiness is completely dependent upon me (and my spouse, in my case), which can at times feel overwhelming. While caring for him is the greatest gift I’ve ever been given, it’s also the most physically, mentally and emotionally exhausting thing I’ve ever done in my life.

Throughout the first few weeks (and months), this caretaker role was the only thing I could (barely) manage, let alone consider what I might want or need for myself. As time went on, I was better able to view my life holistically, and beyond my new ‘mom’ title. I admit, it did take a while, but I do believe I’ve finally found some semblance of balance between being the best mom I can be, while also caring for myself.

Here’s how I’ve strived for balance:

Trust that time builds confidence. I cried the day we left the hospital with Ben for the first time. Yes, it was in part due to the raging hormones I was coming down from post-birth, but it was also largely attributed to fear. I had absolutely no idea what I was doing, and I was afraid of making even the slightest parenting “mistake.” To think the hospital would entrust me to leave the premises with such a precious little life in my hands was beyond me. I imagine many first-time parents feel similarly – it was truly terrifying. But slowly and surely, it got better. We started to learn Ben’s nuances – the things that worked to soothe him, the signs he needed to be changed or fed, and most rewarding, the things that made him happy. With time and a tremendous amount of patience, I went from an anxiety-ridden mess (which I admit still happens sometimes!) to a more confident and happy mom.

Don’t feel guilty about setting aside time to focus on yourself. In fact, make it a priority. Once I moved beyond the early stages of life with a new baby, I was better able to assess my new life as a parent, and to think about what I really needed for my own mental health. For me, it meant doing things I used to do which brought me the most joy – like running! I do relate to mom guilt at times and I totally get it, but I also know that the best version of myself – and the best mom I can be – is best achieved through taking care of my health through exercise. Running makes me a happier person, and that happiness filters down to my interactions with my son.

Embed your self-care practices into your daily or weekly life. Whether it’s scheduling a bi-weekly manicure or an everyday morning run (or both!), consistency is key to that continued feeling of personal fulfillment. I’m very fortunate to have a partner who fully supports (and encourages me) to pursue the things I need to feel happy, so setting up a weekly running cadence has thankfully worked well. We typically plan our weeks out, calendaring the time of day when each of us will work out so that neither misses out. While sometimes that means waking up at the crack of dawn before the baby gets up, or switching who takes bath and bedtime so the other can workout, it’s made the transition back to exercise stress-free.

See if you can find an intersection between the two. When I’m in the midst of a training cycle with hard workouts on the schedule, it doesn’t always work to bring Ben along – and that’s totally okay! But when I have easy runs, or when scheduling calls for an after work session on the days I pick him up from daycare, I enjoy including him as often as I can. As I touched upon in my first post, bringing him along is a win-win for us both, and gives me the confidence that I can be a strong runner and a loving mom without having to choose one or the other.

How do you balance motherhood and self care? Share your experiences below!