It’s hard to believe that 16 whole months have flown by since Ben made me a mother. It feels like a lifetime, even though I know that in the larger scheme of things it’s merely a blip in time.
Saying things on the phone like, “Hi, this is Ben’s mom,” or, “yes, that’s my son,” still sounds foreign at times. Me? A mom? When and how did I get to this point in my life? Pretty miraculous.
Strangely enough, it’s even harder to imagine what life was like beforehand – honestly. I know it might sound odd since 16 months isn’t THAT long at all, but it’s felt like a lifetime since it was just us two. I can’t pinpoint the last time I slept in, packed (one) overnight bag for a quiet getaway, or had a full day and night entirely to myself. Interestingly, I don’t miss those things as much as I thought I would. Benjamin has smoothly and wonderfully integrated into our life and family, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.
So, how am I physically?
As I mentioned in this previous post about not bouncing back after baby, I have not been able to lose all of the extra weight I put on during my pregnancy and at this point, I’m kind of over worrying and scolding myself about it. It still drives me crazy (some days and moments more than others), but I’m okay with where I’m at right now.
I might not love the way my body has changed, but I do know that I’m doing my best: I’m continuing to nourish myself well, and of course, I run consistently 5 days per week. I did try to diet briefly, but it didn’t last for long, and placing that much scrutiny on intake was exhausting. I might give it another try at some point (in a safe and healthy way), but for now I’m okay.
As I’ve mentioned before in more ways than one, running has been a postpartum savior for me. It’s given me purpose outside of being a wife, mother and working professional. Being a runner is truly ingrained in my identity just as much as the other things are, and offers me a peaceful escape from the everyday stresses of life. It’s my most sacred ‘me time,’ when I can conversate with myself about anything and everything, while also offering me an upbeat and joyful start to my days.
And what about emotionally?
Aside from the fact that we are in the midst of unprecedented times, I’m happy to say that I’m happy. I attribute this to running, naturally (I love you, endorphins!), but also to the wonderful people I have in my life. From new (local) running friends who’ve brought new light to my life, to family, best friends and neighbors, I feel very fulfilled, despite the fact that physical time together has been limited and even absent all together.
Additionally, I’m excited to have moved into a new family home. We finally have the space to grow our family, and to host family and friends. Prior to and when we first moved in, we did renovations to the home, so it’s been fun to make it our very own, and to chip away at little projects as we go.
And finally, I’m feeling really good/confident about motherhood in this particular (toddler) season of life. Ben has blossomed at home – and now back at daycare, which has been an absolute joy to witness. He’s the happiest, most curious and playful little boy, and I can’t get enough of him. I look forward to scooping him out of his crib every morning, and seeing his bright little smile when he sees that it’s me. I also don’t hate that he’s a total mommy’s boy!
My postpartum journey has certainly been an uphill climb, and I’m sure it will continue to be – but for now, I’m doing and feeling good, and I’m extremely thankful for that.
Where are you in your postpartum journey, and how are YOU doing?